FAQ
I'm sure you have some questions about me, so to cut down on the email I receive from this blog, I thought I'd answer the most common questions up front. And who knows, I may even answer some questions here that you wouldn't have thought to ask.
Are you a chef?
Absolutely not. I really like food, I watch Food Network stuff sometimes, and I know how to Google recipe-like things, but I have never been to culinary school. There was one summer, in college, where I worked in a restaurant kitchen, but it was a "British-style" pub in Sacramento, and mostly it was just working a deep fryer for fish n' chips or bangers n' mash.
Why are you doing this?
It's a combination of peer pressure and procrastination. I'm one of those insufferable people who posts pictures of all of the food she makes/eats, and my friends on Facebook were like, "You're clogging up our feeds with these om noms and it's getting in the way of all of the BuzzFeed quizzes we could be taking. Just start a blog already." Also, I've been procrastinating updating my resume and portfolio and blogging is a really good way to put that off.
Can you teach me how to cook really well?
Probably, almost assuredly, not.
Is this site one of those websites run by a Russian troll/spambot/lesser oligarch in an attempt to sew food-related discord into our electoral process?
God, I really hope not.
Q: What does an average Sunday night look like for you?
A: Basically this.
If you could cook with any celebrity chef who would it be?
None of them. I'd be way too self-conscious (catatonically so) to be of any use to them in the kitchen. They'd probably walk away wondering who they'd pissed off enough to be punished with baby-sitting a full grown adult who clearly shouldn't be left alone with knives or an open flame.
Why don't you like beets?
Because they taste like dirt.
What about if I cooked them—
I'm going to stop you right there. I've tried them every way imaginable—roasted, pickled, puréed, in borsch, grilled, in juices, as ice cream—everyone thinks they're going to make them in some new way that I'll like. It isn't going to happen. I just don't like them.
Okay, but what about—
Nope. I hate beets and you need to let this one go.
Can I pet your dog?
Yes.
Does your dog like beets?
GTFO of here.